I spent almost 50 years trying to understand why I never quite fitted in

Hi, my name is Daniel De Luca, and I am the founder of BevisBox.

For most of my life, I knew I was different. I just did not know why.

Things that seemed to come naturally to other people could take an enormous amount of energy from me. Conversations could go wrong without me understanding what I had said wrong. I could know exactly what I wanted to say, yet struggle to express it in a way other people understood. Social situations that seemed simple to others could leave me completely exhausted.

I learned to try to adapt. To watch other people. To work out rules that nobody had ever explained to me. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it did not.

And when it did not, it was easy to believe that the problem must be me.

A lifetime of trying a little harder

Perhaps the hardest part was not one particular event. It was all the small things, year after year.

Feeling that I did not belong. Being misunderstood. Replaying a conversation afterwards and wondering what I had done wrong. Having to spend far more energy on things that other people seemed able to do without even thinking about them.

I have worked in IT for more than 20 years. There, I also found something that suited me. Problems could be analysed. Faults could be troubleshot. There was logic, structure and a methodical way to work towards a solution.

But life does not always work like an IT system.

People do not always say exactly what they mean. Social rules are not written in a manual. A misunderstanding cannot always be debugged by reading a log.

I could be competent and experienced at work while still struggling with everyday things I felt I should be able to manage.

It is a strange feeling to know that you can solve complicated technical problems and, at the same time, feel defeated by a telephone call, a meeting, a form or a task you simply cannot get started on.

The answer did not come until I was 50

When I was 50, I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism.

Suddenly, there was an explanation for so much of what I had struggled with for almost my entire life.

It was a relief.

But there was grief too.

I began thinking about the younger version of me who had no explanation. About all the times I had tried harder when what I really needed was a different way of doing things. About misunderstandings, frustration and situations where I had believed I simply was not good enough.

I could not get those years back.

But I could begin to understand them.

And perhaps I could use what I had learned to create something that might help somebody else feel less alone in their own difficulties.

When the systems around you demand the very things you struggle with

After my diagnoses, I came to another realisation.

At exactly the time when you need help most, you are often expected to be extremely good at administering your own life.

You have to remember appointments. Keep track of names. Read letters. Understand decisions. Save documents. Meet deadlines. Make telephone calls. Remember what somebody said three weeks ago. Explain the same story to the next person. And notice when two different pieces of information contradict each other.

For somebody already struggling with working memory, planning, communication or overload, it can become an almost absurd situation:

To get help with the things you find difficult, you first have to manage a great deal of the very things you find difficult.

That was where my own experience began to turn into the idea behind BevisBox.

When incorrect information has real consequences

In my dealings with Arbetsförmedlingen, the Swedish Public Employment Service, and Försäkringskassan, the Swedish Social Insurance Agency, I have experienced attendance being reported as absence even though I was present or had approved leave. I have been told that information would be corrected, only to find myself having to follow up the same problem later. When benefit payments are affected, this is not merely an administrative detail. For somebody already living on a very low income, an error can mean that money for food, medicine or bills disappears.

I have also had to keep track of who said what, when corrections were submitted, which dates I attended and which answers I was still waiting for. One piece of information could be held by an activity provider, another by Arbetsförmedlingen, while the actual benefit decision sat with Försäkringskassan. When several organisations are involved, responsibility can move back and forth while the person affected has to try to demonstrate what actually happened.

The same problem in healthcare

After my diagnoses, I needed help from several parts of the healthcare system. When different clinics, examinations and next steps depend on one another, it becomes important to remember which tests need to be taken, who is responsible for what, which referrals are still pending and exactly what each clinic has said.

When you are already dealing with tiredness, stress, working-memory difficulties and planning, it can be unreasonably difficult to act as the coordinator of several different contacts at the same time. Something said verbally can be forgotten a few weeks later. A detail in a medical record or message can change what happens next.

I began saving screenshots, emails, letters, appointments and names – not to create conflict, but so I could show what had actually been said and what I myself had done.

Why I began keeping a record of everything

I learned that a promise to correct something is not the same as a correction actually being made. A telephone call can be important, but without a note of the date, the person’s name and what was discussed, it can be difficult to refer back to later. When information contradicts itself, remembering that something felt wrong is not always enough – you need to be able to find the original information.

So I began documenting everything: appointments, messages, replies, decisions and deadlines. I asked for written confirmation and kept the records rather than trusting that every system would automatically agree with every other system.

The documentation did not give me control over other people’s decisions. But it gave me better control over my own story. I could build a timeline, identify contradictions and show which steps I had already taken.

That is how BevisBox was born

After a while, I realised that the material itself had become a new problem. The evidence existed, but it was scattered across inboxes, portals, screenshots, PDF files and my own notes. When I really needed it, finding the right thing took too much time and energy.

I began looking at the situation in the way I always have in IT: if a recurring problem does not have a good tool, why not try to build one?

BevisBox is intended to be a place where people can collect what has been said, promised and decided. Events can be organised into a clear timeline, documents connected to the right case, and important next steps kept together in one place.

The service is not intended to decide who is right, and it does not replace legal or medical advice. Its purpose is to help users preserve original information, create order and present their own records more clearly.

Built for people who recognise this feeling

I am building BevisBox for other people who can feel overwhelmed when important information comes from many different directions. That may include people with ADHD or autism, people living with stress or memory difficulties, relatives helping somebody else, or anyone trying to navigate a complicated administrative situation.

I know what it feels like to be certain that something has gone wrong while still finding it difficult to quickly show the whole sequence of events. I also know how much safer it feels when every date, document and message is collected in the right order.

When the hardest part is getting started

Knowing what needs to be done is not always the same as being able to start. That is why I am also building support for those moments when a task feels too large, time is difficult to judge or an important call creates so many questions that everything simply locks up.

BevisBox Fokus and Min vardag are designed to make the next step smaller: break down a task, prepare for a meeting, create time buffers or reduce the number of choices when everything feels like too much. It is not treatment. It is practical support intended to make everyday life a little more manageable.

If BevisBox can do one thing

I cannot change the almost 50 years when I did not understand why I struggled with things that other people seemed to manage so easily.

Nor can I remove every complicated system, misunderstanding or incorrect decision that people encounter.

But I can use what I know.

More than 20 years in IT has taught me that when a system is too difficult to use, the answer is not always to tell the person to try harder. Sometimes you need to build a better tool.

That is what I am trying to do with BevisBox.

If the service can help somebody feel a little less panic before an important meeting, find the document they need, remember what was actually said, take the first step when everything feels too big – or simply feel “it isn’t just me who finds this difficult” – then something that has been very difficult in my own life can become something good for somebody else.

And that means a great deal to me.